butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
