you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize