how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
