So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
