Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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