are you still at the devil's house?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
