he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
