glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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