She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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