you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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