I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
