I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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