I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
