im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
