Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
