I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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