it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
