Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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