Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
