I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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