And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
