I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I could fuck to npr.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize