Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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