Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
