part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
