dude i'm inner monologue high
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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