Im at strip club and am horny
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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