My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
