I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
