I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
