took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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