Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
