Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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