yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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