so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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