Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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