I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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