I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Alive.
So much puke
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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