he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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