If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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