just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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