oh god the rape fog is back!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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