Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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