I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize