its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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