Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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