its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
