Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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