apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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