cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
