she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
