i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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