Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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