just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
