If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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