I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
