she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he thought i was a dude.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize