Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just googled if crying burns calories
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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