We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
