Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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