i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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