I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need to calm my uterus...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
