He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
