just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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