the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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