i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
