I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
