So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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