I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
