What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
